Ask Adina

Do you have something that is bothering you? Perhaps you are troubled by a relationship problem, a family difficulty or a dispute at work. Whatever it may be, I can help!
Feel free to ask me anything that is on your mind and I will do my very best to help and hopefully give you peace of mind. After all, we only get one life, we should enjoy it! My job is to help you smile again.
My name is Adina and I have a degree in Psychology, experience in Counselling but perhaps more importantly, I have a wealth of experiences that have made me the wise old bird that I am today.
So, if you fancy a peaceful night’s sleep, get cracking and get writing...

Below are examples of questions that I have answered to give you a taster...


Question: I have recently split from my husband and find myself feeling very alone and isolated. My whole life was taken up with him and our children, but the children have also just recently left home. I hardly see them. I have friends but they are normally occupied with their own families. My job as an admin clerk is only part-time. I don’t do anything in the evenings and I feel really old. My husband and I will never get back together again but I miss the company very much. How can I stop feeling so lonely?
Elaine, Saltash (49)
Answer: We need to make you feel better about yourself, Elaine, and find you something to do, somewhere to go and someone to go with!
Loneliness is such a widespread concern, you would think it would be possible to get on the internet and type into ‘google’ “Elaine, living in Cornwall, lonely” as a whole host of other people do the same (with a different name, hopefully...) Many do struggle on, on their own. You don’t have to be the same.
Loneliness advice normally takes the form of; ‘what hobbies do you have? Join an evening class, meet people...’
The reality is different. When feeling down and alone, venturing out into the unknown like this is extremely difficult. Not impossible, but hard. So let’s go back a step or two.
First, we should stick to what you know. You say you have friends, but they are busy. I think you need to pay a few a visits, or give them a ring. You don’t want them to feel sorry for you, but it would be nice to spend a bit of time chatting to people you know. They will understand this and make the time, but you do need to approach them. They won’t necessarily come to you. You have to remind them that they have a good friend in you. This will also help to build your own confidence and self worth. You may find yourself even going out with them, perhaps to familiar haunts, and this will be helpful in bringing you back to the real world again. Also, find out what they do in their spare time. Do they do anything that interests you? If so, ask them if it would be okay for you to accompany them.
Remind your children that they still have their mum if they ever need her. How hard it was when they were young when you did everything for them, and now that they are out charging around the world; you are the one left feeling there’s a gap in your life. But this gap can gradually be filled. Your children will miss you too and they will most certainly be back to visit. You will always be part of their lives. Don’t forget that.
Perhaps the best source of information that will lead you to social groups, hobbies and other pursuits is your local library. You can ask for a librarian to assist you or just have a look at the brochures and leaflets they have on display. For more information online visit; http://www.cornwall.gov.uk/index.cfm?articleid=310 and if you can get access to the internet, you can find information regarding activities in your area that may be suitable by simply typing into your favourite search engine your interest, followed by Saltash and doing a bit of research (don’t forget you can get access to the internet at your library if you don’t have it at home)
Overall, begin with what you are familiar with and then build up. If you aren’t happy with your current job, consider alternatives and prioritise your goals.
You don’t have to feel alone. There are people out there feeling very similar. The key is to find them by putting in a little bit of effort, sometimes some imagination and above all, don’t give up!

Question: I suffer from obsessions that take up most of my time and attention. I am constantly checking and tidying. I spend most of the day doing this. My husband has threatened to leave me. I have asked for help at my surgery but there is a waiting list. What can I do?

Amy, Landrake (27)

You don’t say how long you have been suffering, but I can assume it has been a while.
It is difficult for everyone concerned in the family when there is a sufferer of obsessive compulsive disorder. It is very distressing.
As OCD is based on anxiety, you could try addressing this. There is something called FearFighterTM which is a course you can undertake online. The usual process for obtaining FearFighterTM is to be referred by your GP or Health Worker if they recommend that the programme would be suitable for you. To do this, the GP has to come under a Primary Care Trust that has purchased licences. Your PCT is responsible for purchasing and implementing FearFighterTM. As FearFighterTM has been NICE approved under TA097 there is a legal duty to make it available. It would be an idea to ask your GP to contact their primary care trust.
Your condition may benefit from Cognitive Behaviour Therapy which will challenge the irrational thoughts surrounding the compulsions. It is considerably stressful and an alternative can be cognitive therapy alone. The therapist will help you to understand your thought patterns.
The problem with therapy is the waiting time. Government policy is to make CBT more widely available on the NHS but that doesn’t exactly help you when you are suffering in this way.
Antidepressants can also have their role to play and there are some specific to OCD so it is important to consider this and ask your GP. They should be used in conjunction with therapy.
You can also try self help CBT. There are a range of self-help books and leaflets on self-directed CBT. More recently, interactive CDs and websites are being developed and evaluated for self-directed CBT. Look on the internet and consider Amazon as a source.
Certain groups such as the following can certainly assist such as;
OCD Action
22-24 Highbury Grove, Suite 107, London, N5 2EATel: 0845 390 6232 Web: www.ocdaction.org.uk.A national charity which provides information, advice, and support to people with OCD.
OCD-UK
PO Box 8955, Nottingham, NG10 9AUTel: 0845 120 3778 Web: www.ocduk.orgFor people who are affected by OCD.

Finally, consider contacting Relate to gain assistance with your marriage.
http://www.relate.org.uk. Your husband needs to see you are trying everything you can to help yourself. Perhaps then he may feel more sympathetic. It is hard for both of you but his threats to leave you are perhaps mostly driven by his despair, not cruelty. However, you need his support, so let him know your plans.
Finally, consider OCD as an addiction. If you are really determined and you have plenty of courage, then wake up tomorrow morning and say to yourself that you will never carry out any more compulsions ever again. It has been done, and it has been achieved. It takes lots of determination and the anxiety levels will heighten. It does not work for all (hence why some people suffer OCD for years, they certainly would have tried this!) and many ‘fall off the wagon’ and carry out their compulsions to reduce the anxiety. Remember that trying to ‘reduce’ your compulsions won’t work in the long term. It is an all or nothing strategy.
There is help out there for you. Build your support network and learn to live a life free of OCD. You can do it!